Thursday, 21 February 2013

A BARE-KNUCKLE BRAWL FOR THE 'CRAZY' CROWN

LEADING CONTENDER FOR 'CRAZY' CROWN 
The usually publicity-shy Mrs. Humphries has 
posed for a tasteful pregnancy photo spread 
in Du Jour magazine. I hope you're not 
expecting to see ACRES of cleavage...   
Photo/CreStock 

 
*PART ONE OF THREE

Is there a full moon out there? I mean I know there isn't one here, but there? On Planet Hollywood? Because celebrities are going right off their rocker this week, even more than usual. There's so much celebrity silliness going on I scarcely know where to begin. 
Haha, that's ridiculous. Of course I know where to begin: with the Kardashians. 

"Rumours are swirling" that Kim is leaving Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Which means the show is over because nobody cares about any of the other Kardashians. So unless Kris Jenner makes a sex tape (and we all know it won't be with Bruce because he can't stand her and also he doesn't have a penis), that deal is dead in the water. 

But don't pop the corks yet because Kim Inc. has grown another hydra head, which is a cruel way to describe a baby unless that baby was sired by Kanye West, in which case it's generous. Kim is pimping out her fetus (Fetus: "Jesus Christ, lady, let me RIPEN a bit, will ya?") by posing for a slew of baby-bump porn in Du Jour magazine. Click here to see the first pix of baby Kimye. If you look closely, you can see the little dollar signs in the wee fetus's eyes. WHY HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIS GRANDMA!

Compare this carrying-on to the polar opposite comportment of Kate Middleton, who cloaks her royal bump in tweeds and turns as red as the blood under Taylor Swift's nails if someone captures a photo of her in a bathing suit. Clearly Britain's royalty is much classier than America's royalty. Except for Harry. And Charles. And Camilla. And Fergie. And ... well okay. It's just Kate. Teeny, tiny, tweedy, wafer-thin Kate. We love her.