Saturday, 2 February 2013

BABIES! BUMPS! BOOBIES! BARDEM! IN THAT ORDER!

 "HI, MOM? YEAH, THE BUMP IS SHOWING."
So you can pretty much start the bidding now. 
Hmm? Yeah, start high. I mean we put Kendall 
out there way too low and it just didn't take.
What's that? No of course I won't tell Bruce! 
He doesn't even know she's pregnant! 
Hahahaa! Love you too!"


Today in major headlines: 
Hillary Clinton steps down as Secretary of State.
Hackers take down 250,000 Twitter accounts. 
Kim Kardashian's baby bump is showing.
Holy crap. What? That last one should really be the first one! Maybe even the only one! 

Yes, folks, Kim Kardashian's baby bump is showing, which of course calls for an Instagram. What's weird about this Instagram photo, aside from everything, is that it inadvertently sets the stage for Baby Bump's lifelong second place-ism.
"Yes, Kim's baby bump, you're cute 'n' all, but you will never be as plump or as popular as Kim's butt bump. Or her boob bumps. So many bumps! You'd really have to be octoplets to compete with them!"

"Also, be careful of Auntie Khloe, left. She would like us to believe that she is not sick with envy, but you get the eerie feeling she and her empty uterus can't wait for Kim to get fat and veiny, and that she is secretly hoping you turn out looking like Kris Humphries. I'm sorry, baby bump. It's not your fault your daddy isn't Javier Bardem."
Ooo, speaking of which...

Today in babies whose father I lust after: Penelope Cruz is pregnant with her second child by Javier Bardem. You selfish bitch. You know perfectly well I am sitting here waiting, waiting, waiting to be impregnated with my FIRST child by Javier Bardem. Climb off of the man and give him some space, will you?