Tuesday, 5 February 2013

ILLUMINATI SIGNS? ALL I SAW WAS BUTT CHEEKS

I SPENT ALL THAT TIME TONING MY THIGHS 
and all people can talk about 
is what I was doing with my hands.
 Photo/CreStock


Many stupid people are wondering if Beyonce flashed the Illuminati sign at the Super Bowl on Sunday. (For those of you who are not into arcane symbols and silly cults . . . well first of all, congratulations, there aren't enough of us out there . . . the Illuminati is a nefarious super-secret organization bent on controlling and shaping world order.)

And if Beyonce and, more believably, her husband Jay-Z are members of this cult, she must have missed the first meeting, at which they specifically stated that this is a SECRET organization and that flashing the sign of your membership to millions of viewers on live television is a no-no. (Group leader: We're very upset about this, Beyonce. But we'll forgive you if you do that booty-hop thing for us for a few minutes...) 

Anyway, as further "proof" of her membership, conspiracy theorists cite the power outage that immediately followed her performance. Which if you ask me suggests that she is a member of the De-luminati, but what do I know.

Even more ominously, theorists say ... and I don't know how these people sleep at night, because they see signs in EVERYTHING ("What was that?" It was just the wind. "No it wasn't! It was the breath of God warning me that the neighbour is a serial killer! Call the police!") ... Beyonce has yet to issue a denial that she flashed the sign.

Beyonce's publicist: You got time to issue yet another statement about yet another ridiculous scandal, ma'am?
Beyonce: Sorry, I'm busy trying to crash the stock market in Japan. Just scribble some nonsense and sign my name. Those people will believe anything.

So basically, those who want to believe she's an Illuminati member will believe it and the rest of us will just go about our daily lives worrying about things like what to do with all these goddam leftover dirty pennies. Should you wish to add more fuel to the fire raging in your brain, here's a link to one of the best stories on this non-issue I've read so far.