|DEAR GOD: IT'S ME, JENNIFER |
I need another miracle. Quickly.
Oh that's right, THERE IS NO BABY BUMP! (Totally called it, click here for proof.)
Six weeks ago, you couldn't get through a single grocery checkout without being asked to fall on your knees in astonishment at Jen's Christmas miracles: acquiring not only a fiance but also a uterus full of pity-be-gone. Now it's almost Valentine's Day and . . . well, she still has the fiance.
Jen's no fool, though; she has hatched a cunning plan to distract us from the fact that her belly is still as flat as Saskatchewan by ditching the dull gold she has worn since before Jesus was born and going hooker blond.
Ah yes, the old Don't Look There, Look Here trick. Works every time.
Editor's note: Well it certainly works for me. Dayum! She looks hot for a dusty-wombed woman! Click here to see Jen's white-hot fabul-ondness.