Saturday, 9 February 2013



But your bosoms and your butt implants 
are an EPIC FAIL by Grammy standards
(I am going to allow the wig though. Barely.)


If you're planning on getting your jollies by tuning in to the Grammys and feasting your eyes on the kind of fleshy pleasures any hooker would charge you for, you're out of luck. (Buy a skin mag, you cheapskate, Hugh Hefner has a new wife to support.) 

Because CBS has basically ordered the Grammy producers to ensure this is the chastest awards show ever, which is no small task given the bunch they're dealing with. Among the titillations that will no longer be available to their stars ... and therefore, to you ... are butt cheeks, side boob and "puffy" genitalia such as the infamous ham wallet flashed by Anne Hathaway at the Les Miz opening
Here, word for word, are the emailed "rules" CBS sent out along with these lovely mouth-painted images of Jesus Christ our Lord (oh, wait, sorry, those are the amateur splats Chris "Breezus" Brown posted on Instagram last week).

  • Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic.
  • Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under-curves of the buttocks and buttock crack.
  • Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples.
  • Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure.
  • Bare sides or under-curvature of the breasts is also problematic. 
Yeah, you know what else is problematic? This list! Because this list means that Kim Kardashian, J Lo, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj and most of all RIHANNA will not be allowed to attend. Because between them they do not own one single article of clothing that meets these Amish standards. 
One has to wonder if anyone is going to bother to tune in to this Holy See at all. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Ha! Those idiots! They left a major loophole! Nowhere does it say that visible scrotum, testicles or taint are forbidden. The show will go on! 
MY NOTE: So at least we know Jon Hamm and Justin Bieber will be there.