Tuesday, 6 March 2018


Me, looking fabulous yet naive,
aboard the dirty red whore that 
almost killed me two days later. 

Anyone who read the post
about my catastrophic moped accident in Bermuda, in which I shredded my hamstring like pulled pork, already knows I'm indisposed. If you missed that jolly vignette, you can read it here

For the rest of you, an update: I still feel like crap.

It's disheartening to see how slow my progress is, it's maddening to not be able to do a blessed thing, including hobble to the latrine, without howling out loud and turning the air blue with curse words.
On the plus side, I'm becoming a whiz at crutches. My leg may be withering away but my biceps are beefing up nicely. 

I'm catching up on my drinking, my reading, my movie-watching, my observing of the comings-and-goings of the neighbours, my meticulous inventory of the areas of the house (visible from a supine position on my couch) that could use cleaning. Thankfully my daughter is coming to visit on Sunday. I'll have the mop and Pine-Sol ready. She loves that.

And then this bedraggled bag lady broke into 
my house and gave me a crutches demo.

Friends and family and neighbours have been fantastic, bringing me so much food I'm starting to think they're fattening me up because they think I'm going to die and, dang it, let's at least make sure she tastes good afterwards!  "Oh come on, Marie, you can manage a few more bites of this rum cake! There's a good girl! Heheheheh."

Oh and lastly, I've been getting some! Lots, actually. Best ever, in fact. Why should a shredded hamstring stop me from enjoying that?
Sleep, I'm talking about. What did you think I was talking about?  

All right, it's obviously time for some happy pills. They don't do much for the pain but they make me find myself absolutely hilarious. Have a happy Easter, everyone. And if you must drink, don't drive a moped, because you might run over zombie Jesus, freshly risen from the dead. (It's the pills, people. I can't help myself.)