Monday, 11 March 2013

JIAN GHOMESHI'S MYSTERIOUS LOVE LIFE-LESSNESS

JIAN GHOMESHI enthralls the ladies at Eden Mills Writers' Festival. 
(Moments after this photo was taken, the blond shrieked "DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?" and Jian's handlers put a bag over her head and dragged her away.) 

Since I started this blog in July, one post has surged to the front and never looked back. One post has attracted more hits, every single day, than any other.
That would be Jian Ghomeshi On Everything Except Dating. Which I could have called Jian Ghomeshi Blahblahblah and it would have got just as many hits, if not more. Because every day, without fail, the top search words directing people to my blog are "Jian Ghomeshi girlfriend?" "Jian Ghomeshi dating?" and just plain old "Jian Ghomeshi".

Seriously, this dude is Persian catnip. Women are obsessed with his availability and, by association, his sexual orientation. They are gagging for information about his personal life. And yet even though he hosts the most popular cultural affairs program in Canada and has been dubbed one of the "most beautiful Canadians" by Hello! magazine, that information is JUST NOT OUT THERE. 
Oh there are rumours, there is innuendo, there is gossip. But factual information, preferably divulged by Catnip himself? Nuh-uh.

I've had people who know him or have spent an evening with him tell me he sends their gay-dar off the charts. ("Who calls their show 'Q'?" one woman whispered, as if she were divulging a state secret. "That is practically the same thing as calling it 'QUEER'!")
I've had others tell me that for someone who's gay, he sure is fond of the ladies. Especially the younger ladies (one of whom is Isis Essery, videographer and editor at Bestfan.com).
I've had people tell me they knew someone who worked with him and he is definitely not gay but he is into "breath play." Which sounds weird and also boring; I  mean, if you're going to have a fetish, go big for God's sake. You've never heard of toes?

But at the root of all of it is the same thing: a fact-starved obsession with Jian Ghomeshi.
Which is a phenomenon in and of itself. I mean, what IS it about this dude that makes him such lady bait? I've been to two of his speaking engagements at the behest of a Ghomeshi-obsessed friend and I can tell you, this man can turn women to butter simply by walking into a room. Women of all ages giggle like teenagers, they ask him questions in breathless voices punctuated by titters, they practically throw their panties at him.
So during a recent speaking engagement, I spent the better part of the hour-plus trying to put my finger on exactly what it is about this 46-year-old man-boy that drives women mad.

First and foremost, he has intelligent things to say and a lush, sensual voice in which he says them.
Second, he has that "shy guy" thing going on. 
He is cute, in a boyish way.
He is exotic, in a Canadian-ized way.
He is mysterious.
He has sad, smoky eyes and a rueful smile that hint at a hidden, untold sadness. Women EAT THAT SH*T UP.
He has that mysterious je ne sais quoi, that is-he-gay-or-not elusiveness that continually puts him just out of reach.
And of course being Canadian, he's polite, he's reserved and he's nice.

I am obviously no expert. I do not know for sure whether or not Jian Ghomeshi is dating anyone seriously, whether Jian Ghomeshi is gay or whether he is straight. But I do know this: Jian Ghomeshi is smart enough to know that the best way to keep us interested is to keep us guessing.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm no expert either, but I am going with "obsessive neurotic gay-confused. I mean really. He had a crush on David Bowie? End of story. 

UPDATED EDITOR'S NOTE: Turns out that was NOT the "end of story." In fact this explosive story about his alleged fondness for beating the shite out of his dates sounds like it might just be the beginning of the story. Click the link, above, for the shocking allegations that got Jian Ghomeshi's ass fired.