Tuesday, 26 March 2013

NICKI MINAJ'S EGO CAN NO LONGER FIT IN SMALL ROOMS

Nicki Minaj, Whorrified, Mariah Carey,
Sweet, approachable Nicki Minaj 
scans the room for her next human sacrifice.  
(Keith Urban, don't stand still too long.)  
Photo/CreStock

If you're like me ... well this sentence should end with: "get help. It might not be too late for you." But what I was going to say is, if you're like me, you might sometimes find yourself wondering, "Am I missing something by steadfastly refusing to tune in to American Idol?" (Seriously. I've watched it maybe twice in its entire lifetime. That's two hours I am never getting back.)

So if you are wondering, let me put you out of your pointless misery right now by assuring you you are missing nothing.  

I tested this theory today by clicking on a link to an Idol clip titled "Nicki Minaj Scolds the Boys," in which Nicki tells three forgettable young men they suck epically while simultaneously giving her extensions a hand job. And for the life of me, I could not see why someone thought this video was worthy of highlighting. Because other than reinforcing the fact that Nicki loves her own weaves more than life itself, it told me nothing.

So embrace your decision to not watch American Idol, ever. Unless you enjoy watching Nicki Minaj berate people, in which case there are far better examples of her incredibly healthy ego ricocheting around a room like an overinflated balloon that just had a pin stuck in it. Such as here. And also here

Speaking of divas, please also enjoy this Instagram pic of Mariah Carey wearing sensible, comfortable travelling gear as she boards her private jet for a vacation with "Nick and Dembabies." Sweet mother of crazy, I love this woman with an almost lesbianic fierceness.