Tuesday, 19 March 2013


THE BEAUTIFUL JENNIFER ANISTON is still not pregnant, so she has gobs of time to slather Aveeno all over herself.

My Irritable Aniston Syndrome is really acting up these days. I think what did it is I watched that stupid new ad Jennifer Aniston's agent miraculously managed to get her to star in, that Aveeno ad in which a faceless voice on the end of the line tells her about all the people who want her to endorse their beauty products. 

Jen demurs, she's being picky, she's so in demand. "Oh I don't know, I'm just so busy starring in every craptastic movie Adam Sandler ever made. Plus I'm trying to get pregnant!"  

In the end, she settles on shilling Aveeno daily moisturizing lotion, which is super upscale and sexy, right up there with Bimmers and Louboutins. And the grovelling voice-over simpers: "The beautiful Jennifer Aniston for Aveeno," no doubt while simultaneously miming self-pleasuring gestures. 
Really? You have to point out to us that she's beautiful? Isn't it sort of like being famous (if you have to tell people you're somebody, you're nobody)? Aveeno couldn't find an actual beautiful woman to . . . shit! I spittled myself. EDITOR! I NEED SOME ASSISTANCE HERE! 

EDITOR'S NOTE: (Tsk. Poor thing. She forgets to take her Irritable Aniston meds and she's a wreck.) Here you go love, have one of these.
MY NOTE: Are those the Jen pills? No! I don't want them! I enjoy hating Jennifer Aniston!
EDITOR'S NOTE: What? Of course not! They're ... vodka enhancers.
MY NOTE: Okay then. *swallows, assumes lotus position, smiles beatifically* Bunnies...daisies...those little candies with Love messages printed on them...Jennifer An-is-ton-n-n-n-n-n-n-nhh *snores*