Thursday, 28 March 2013

RYAN GOSLING IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE...TO YOU

 

OK I wasn't going to address this because I didn't think my love life was any of your business, but that collective scream you just heard was every woman in North America pulling her hair out by the roots because Ryan Gosling is taking a break from acting. 
I will have you know that he is doing this for me personally, because I need him to actually help me plan our wedding instead of just offering me sex every night. So please cut the man some slack. You are not his first priority right now! 
However, Ryan and I do understand that this might plummet some of you into the DTs, so we've set up The Gosline, a hotline you can call to hear Ry's voice saying sexy things ... and then leave a message, which no one will ever listen to. The number is: 07857 238825

Editor's note: But I read that Ryan's reason for taking a break from acting is that he needs to "reassess why I'm doing it and how I'm doing it."
My note: Which is obviously code for "Marie needs me to be at home naked more often."
Click here for some immediate visual Ryan Gosling therapy. 

Related: In a desperate bid to win her man back, Eva Mendes starts flashing her knickers all over the place. Nice try, Eva. Nice try.