Friday, 1 March 2013

SITUATION CRITICAL: GET ME SOME BEACH, STAT!

Holetown, Barbados (Or, what February would look like if it took its meds.) 

Good riddance, February! You sure made it easy to say goodbye to you this year! You could have left on a high note, breezing out the door on a mistral wind, but no. You decided to throw one last farewell fit, slamming us with freezing sleet, biting winds and more goddamn snow. No wonder they threw Valentine’s Day in the middle of your miserable little month. It’s the only thing that keeps us from wanting to throttle you with our bare chapped hands. If you were a dog, you’d be one of those hideous hairless tufted Chinese things. If you were a box of chocolates you’d be those cheap ones that don’t have ANYTHING but soft-centred pink goo inside of them. If you were a tree … well if you were a tree I’d hack you to bits with a rusty machete, you vile hateful mean-spirited ghastly psychotic . . . "*mmpphwwp!* Let me go you dirty bitch!" 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Er… Whorrified has been called away on…er…an important business matter. I will leave you with this gorgeous photograph of Holetown, Barbados, one of her favourite places in the world. It’s safe, it’s beautiful, it’s friendly, it’s got the best food, the best beaches, the best everything. Please enjoy this photo as a token of her…er…busy-ness.