Thursday, 4 April 2013

AND BEHOLD: A PIG-FACED STAR IS BORN. SOO-EY!

MEET PIG FACE! (Left)  
 I know it's not a nice nickname, but gaze upon this bristly little pink visage
and tell me you don't smell bacon.

OK, enough of the celebrity bashing. The bashing of the celebrities is getting a brief (very brief) reprieve so that I can showcase an as-yet-undiscovered celebrity. Allow me to introduce: Pig Face.

Well actually, the poor creature's real name is Delilah. A biblical and completely inappropriate name referring to the beautiful temptress who single-handedly brought down the mighty Samson by tricking him into thinking she was in love with him, lulling him to sleep in her lap and then shaving off the locks that were the source of his legendary strength. In other words, she was a sneaky, conniving little bitch.

Anyway, this here Delilah has nothing in common with that Delilah other than the fact that she, too, is a bitch.This little lassie is the beloved pet of a friend who will no longer speak to me once he sees how I have disparaged his cur. Delilah is an Argentine Dogo puppy, a breed I had never heard of but have since discovered is pretty fantastic. She's smart, strong, calm, gentle, loving, loyal, playful and very, very sweet. It's just a damn shame she looks like a pig. As God is my witness, that is what I see every time I look at her. (Well that and Rob Ford, but I'm sure as hell not going to nickname her that.)

The first time I saw Delilah the words spilled unbidden from my lips: "Pig Face!" But I said it in such a loving tone the poor sow thought I was praising her; she licked my face, she did a full-body wag. She did everything but pee on my shoe. My daughter, an incurable dog-lover, was appalled when she heard what I'd nicknamed her. Then she met her. 

"Geez, Mom!" she whispered. "She DOES kinda look like a pig!"
And ... well, the name stuck. Now everybody calls her that. Poor Delilah actually thinks her name is Pig Face. This may be the funniest mean thing I have ever done.

EDITOR'S NOTE: That's a dog? All this time I thought I was petting your friend's pet pig!
MY NOTE: This is what I'm sayin' . . .

And I'm not the only one: Click here for a link to baby names and see the Tea Party-ish outrage the very thought of naming a baby "Delilah" ignites. I'm beginning to think "Pig Face" was too nice!