Tuesday, 30 April 2013

BARE-ARSED GWYNETH BELATEDLY REALIZES SHE'S SHY

A BARE-ASSED SAINT GWYNETH 
STROLLS THE RED CARPET
"What's that draft? I feel a weird draft
 OMIGOSH I'M NAKED!"
 Yeah, that's exactly how it happened. 




So Saint Gwyneth of the Free-Range Seaweed has resorted to flat-out lying now.
The starlot wore a dress that showed her fat-free arse for the premiere of Iron Man 3 and then realized to her horror that her fat-free arse was showing.
"It was humiliating," she whined afterwards.

How did this happen, you ask? Well that is a fair question and one that occurred to  everybody, as well as Ellen DeGeneres, who asked Gwynnie this very thing. Gwynnie responded that she kind of "had a disaster" and didn't have time to wear underwear.

She also said her last-minute decision to "go commando" sent her groomers into a tizzy because they had to perform an emergency shave-down. Because nothing is scarier than an organic Yeti in a naked-arse dress.
(Rrrright. The dress was a last-minute decision ... like growing your own soybeans and painstakingly fashioning them into handpressed bean curd is a last-minute decision.)

"Oy, I really have some questions now," Ellen said. "You certainly don't take care of yourself. I mean it was just the side of your leg. What is going on with you?"
Well I'll tell you what is going on with her. She's a ninny. But a grain-fed one who will turn this whole episode into a book, a website and a wholesome how-to video within a week. I guarantee it.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Call me naive, but I expected so much more from the World's Most Beautiful Woman.