Thursday, 11 April 2013

CARE FOR A NIBBLE OF SEXY MAN CANDY, ANYONE?

IT IS A TESTAMENT TO MARK WRIGHT'S CANDINESS
 that he can wear bright lemon-yellow trunks and 
you don't even notice because ... muscles. 
Heat magazine


The thing I like best about this gossiping gig (aside from the fact that I could be doing this in the nude while smoking a Cohiba the size of a baby's arm and you wouldn't even know it) is that I get to Google things like "sexiest men almost no clothes on" and call it work.
Because it is.

Okay maybe not work, in this case. More like a humanitarian gesture. Because today's man candy is in response to a special request from Brattus Rattus, a loyal reader who's funny as hell but seems kinda like a weirdo and also she scares me, so when she says "MORE PICS OF PRETTY, SCANTILY CLAD MEN!" I hear that not so much as a request but as a threat.

So here you go, Brattus, and anyone else who likes pretty, scantily clad men. (A show of hands? That's what I . . . whoa, Zac Efron, that is not a hand!) Please enjoy this pic of Mark Wright. Whom I have never heard of, but he's one of the better offerings on Heat magazine's Sexiest Men on the Planet 2013 list. 
And may I just take a moment to say, yet again, to all the editors whose job it is to hand-pick these man nuggets, could you please strike Tanning Scrotum, Brad Pitt and Hugh Jackman off your list once and for goddamn all? Because Tanning looks like a big dumb ox, Brad Pitt looks like a puffy grey goat ... and Hugh Jackman is an actual goat. 
We're looking for stallions here, editors. Stallions. If we wanted creatures with cloven hooves we'd have stayed with our exes.

EDITOR'S NOTE: First of all, Harry Styles? He does not get to be on a list with the word "men" in it until his pubes come in. Also, holy shat, is it just me or is Olly Murs a dead ringer for Heath Ledger? And lastly ... Tom Daley. That's all. Just Tom. Daley.
MY NOTE: To which I would add, Tom Daley.


Bonus round: And because I am gunning for sainthood ... I  mean really, I'm doing the Lord's work here ... I'm tossing you another bonbon. Guess who stripped for the cameras in China when asked what his tattoo says?
(With video footage, here.)