Tuesday, 16 April 2013


Coolio, Coolio arrested, Whorrified,
Remember Coolio? Gangsta's Paradise? 
Fantastic Voyage? Misspelled tattoo? 
Six kids with four different women? 
Sorry, kind of slid off topic there, 
but you get the point.

Some people slide gracefully into middle age. Some adjust with a bit of difficulty (*looks in mirror, blows kiss*). And  some people ride it like a white-knuckled luge race to hell.

Lapsed rapper Coolio, not surprisingly, falls into that last category.

Coolio, 49, has been charged with domestic assault, and since he isn’t rapping anymore he had plenty of time to turn it into the biggest fuck-up of anyone in the history of fuck-ups. 
Allow me to explain. (You are reading this on an empty stomach, yes?)

Dude brought a crack whore woman home the other night, which normally wouldn't be a problem except that he shares the home with his girlfriend, Anabella Chatman. One would think even Coolio would know better.
One would also think he would know better than to then punch his girlfriend in the face when she protested.

According to TMZ, Coolio pushed Anabella to the ground and punched her, then fled with their toddler son and the other woman. And because crack was in no way involved in this incident, he also allegedly struck Anabella with his getaway car.    

The police were called, and I'm sure it didn't take them long to get there since they probably have a command post set up next door at all times, and Coolio told them HE was the victim because his girlfriend scratched him in a jealous rage.
Alas, the police simply could not take him seriously on account of his hairdo, and Coolio was arrested.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Who the hell is Coolio?
MY NOTE: Good point.

Related: Coolio's Hair has its own Facebook page. And you'd better "like" it, or he'll punch you in the face and run off with your kid.