Friday, 12 April 2013

DIDDY, KATE UPTON SHACK UP. MAYBE EVEN PREGNANT

KATE UPTON'S DRESS 
TAKES ON A LIFE OF ITS OWN
 Much as the rumours of her slutty affair 
with spoken-for Diddy are doing. 
#bestpublicitystuntever
Photo/CreStock


Allow me to be the first to share this exciting news: rap mogul Diddy and Antarctic flotation device Kate Upton are getting married. *phone rings, lawyer asks ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ Me: 'Making stuff up. Everybody else does!'*

Anyway, in case you haven’t been following the soaring trajectory of this love story, apparently what happened is “an eyewitness” told someone they saw Diddy and Upton kissing and the mere act of saying it made it true. Every gossip website now is reporting it, each one adding its own little icing swirls. 

They were "sucking face" at a LIV nightclub in Miami, New York Magazine tattled.
They "had dinner together" at an NY restaurant, Hollywood Life said. 
“They were kissing," the Huffington Post reported. "They weren't hiding it." 

Diddy, who is supposed to be being faithful to his singer girlfriend Cassie, swiftly responded by tweeting: “Attn all Media. I don’t even know Kate Upton personally! I’m not dating her! What’s being reported is not true. END of story!”
Kate caught on a few hours later (she’s cute but dumb as a bunny) and tweeted her two cents’ worth: "Really??? Not at all true!" 

So both of them are taking a break from going at it like chipmunks to send out denial tweets, to which I would respond: WILL YOU TWO JUST BUTT OUT? This is a damn good story and we do not want you ruining it with your denials. Because it’s true. Because it is. 
*phone rings, lawyer asks ‘Are you trying to get yourself sued?’ Me, in robo-voice: 'You’ve reached Diddy’s Escort Service. I’m sorry I’m not available to take your call right now because I am filming Diddy and Kate Upton having sex. Have a great day!'