Saturday, 13 April 2013

GWYNETH PALTROW THROWS BOTOX UNDER THE BUS

Gwyneth Paltrow, Botox, Joan Rivers, Whorrified,
A SERIOUSLY PHOTOSHOPPED GWYNNIE,
looking like she drinks Botox smoothies for breakfast.
 (But of course she doesn't. Because they 
make her look CRAZY!)
Saint Gwyneth of the Grain-Fed Martyrs makes an appearance on the cover of Bazaar this month. So I'm assuming this issue was made entirely of recycled Peruvian toilet paper pressed by artisans making a living wage. 

And while I would normally rather eat a steroid-riddled T-bone steak with a side of pesticide salad than read an article about Gwynnie, I must say this one piques my interest because she lies tells us about her experiences with cosmetic enhancements. 
To wit, she tried Botox and didn't like it because it made her look "crazy like Joan Rivers."

Oh, snap. Joan Rivers versus Saint Gwyneth of the Blessed Breast-Fed Ninnies? BRING! IT! ON!

EDITOR'S NOTE: I didn't know that you can get organic Botox.
MY NOTE: You can't. But let's not tell her.