|ADELE WANTS ME TO APOLOGIZE? |
Of course. Call me as soon as she's left the
IHOP buffet and I'll do it in person.
Anyway, there's been some kind of Twitter "uproar" due to the fact that Joan Rivers made insulting comments about a celebrity. Which is what she does, so why anyone would be shocked by this is beyond me. But notice how the game changes when I specify that Joan Rivers made insulting comments about Adele. (Or, as she now insists on being addressed, Saint Adele the Irreproachable. It's true. She has her own feast day.)
Anyway, Joan made cracks about Adele's weight on Letterman and now all hell has broken loose. Because God knows this is shocking stuff, Joan has never made fun of anyone's weight before (except for Elizabeth Taylor and she was able to laugh if off, but then again she's a nobody compared to Adele. Just ask Adele).
And of course, Adele being Adele, she is demanding an apology. Demanding. An apology. From a comedienne who's been a legend since before Adele tasted her first pablum. Give me a fucking break. Would you also like Don Rickles to stop being cranky? Oh, how about George Carlin? Would you like him to come back from the dead so you can berate him for using the f-word so much? I'm sure God Himself would be happy to help you with this and any other cause your staggering ego deems worthy.
Well now I've gone and spittled on myself, so I'll leave the rest of this to my editor. Ed? Take it away . . .
EDITOR'S NOTE: "Dear Adele: You are an amazing singer. You are pretty. You have a supersized ego. You have no sense of humour. You are heavy. These are the facts. Nobody really gives a shit until you start throwing fits about them, so get over yourself. Warmest regards, Whorrified."
MY NOTE: You could have signed your own name! Are you trying to get me killed?
Can we talk? If anyone can take an insult, it's Joan Rivers. Click here for a link to some of the racy barbs fired at her at a Comedy Central roast.