Friday, 5 April 2013

MADONNA'S DAUGHTER HAS A BOYFRIEND! (I FEEL OLD)

SWEET 16 AND NEVER BEEN KISSED
Er ... well that's what her father thinks 
and if I were Lourdes I'd stick to that story.



 
Aw, this is so cuuuute! Madonna's daughter Lourdes has a boyfriend! Her first boyfriend! He's an actor I've never heard of and he looks about 12 and he spells his name in that twee way that parents spell their kids' names these days (Timothee with two e's; in my day a boy would have got his nuts kicked in for that), but still. So cuuuute! 
Why Madge must be bursting with that special mixture of pride and pants-soiling terror that all moms feel when their exotically beautiful firstborn gets her first boyfriend. (And yes I am speaking from personal experience. I have three daughters; it's a wonder any of us survived.)

Madge: Hello Timothee. I'm Lourdes' mom and this is my bodyguard friend, Bruinhilde. How are you? I . . . hey! No! You're touching her! Why are you touching her? She's 12!
Lourdes: MOM
Madge: Okay, 13.
Lourdes: MOM! 
Madge: Okay, okay, I'm leaving. You two have fun.
Lourdes: THANK GOD! *rolls eyes*
Madge: shuts door, clutches gut, crumples to the ground 
Lourdes: MOM! 
Madge: *still on the floor* Yes?
Lourdes: You forgot to take Bruinhilde with you! 
Madge: Sorry, Bruinhilde stays. 
Lourdes: I HATE YOU! 
Timothee: I think I'll be going now.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Poor kid's gonna get it from both sides. Her dad, dancer Carlos Leon, has already basically put Timothee on notice that he is "overprotective," so if that boy lays so much as one pimply finger on his daughter Carlos is going to have him eunuched.