Tuesday, 9 April 2013

SNOOKI THOUGHT CHILDBIRTH WAS GONNA BE FUN

GOODBYE MORNING SICKNESS! 
Snooki says pregnancy is "disgusting." 
Which is ridiculous . . . wait, no. 
Actually, it's about exactly right.
 Fuck. Snooki is right. 
Photo/CreStock


Snooki has learned a lot since popping out her little meatball seven months ago. She's practically got her PhD in maternalation. Er, materniculus. Er, well let's not worry about the title, the point is she has LEARNED things. 

For example: She has learned that veneers can make even the most ordinary ewok look pretty. She has learned that leopards don't have wings unless you tattoo them on. 
And she has learned that pregnancy is hell.

"I hate it, it's disgusting," she says. "Nobody tells you that." 

Nobody tells you that? Hmm, let's just think about this for a moment. 
You will gain close to your own body weight. 
You will throw up on a daily basis.
Your leg veins will try to explode from their casings.
You will grow a body inside your body and then you will have to somehow expel said body from a birth canal that feels like it was designed to expel a mango. A large chihuahua, max.
There will be blood and stitches and insertions and exertions and things I daren't even touch on here because this is a family blog (*snicker*). 

But none of this is common knowledge, so of course Snooki would enter into this project thinking it's going to be like, totally funsies! I can just imagine Snooks in the delivery room, shrieking: "What do you mean it's going to come out of my vagina!?! Somebody call a veterminarian! This doctor is crazeeeee!"

EDITOR'S NOTE: On the plus side, Snooki looks a lot prettier lately because childbirth. Check out this TMZ video in which Snooki shamelessly says giving birth is what changed her whole face.