Tuesday, 23 April 2013


 Also goes by "Blind date from hell." 
Wow. Donald Bernard McGee Sr. 
must be so proud!

So the weekend looms and you don't have a date.
You know what you should do?
You should get down on your goddam lucky knees and thank GOD, that's what!
Because, as I have always suspected, dating not only sucks eggs but also it can damn near kill you.

Just look at what one poor young Florida woman went through last Friday.

Girlfriend was excited to be meeting her dream man after weeks of heavy texting. She hadn't uttered a word to the dude because, hello, it's 2013, nobody TALKS to anybody anymore. You Facebook each other, you tweet, you Instagram, you do anything but pick up the phone and say "Hi, how are you? We should meet for coffee." (Person at other end of the line: "What are you, two hundred years old?" *click*)

So they went for a romantic beachside stroll and got along so well dude decided to treat his date to a burger at Wendy's.
Or maybe he let her pay.
He seems like the kind of guy who would do that, because no sooner had she ordered her Junior Bacon Double Cheeseburger than he pulled out a gun and ordered her out of the car. 
Yeah, that's right.
He friggin' carjacked her.

The little charmer then took off in her Honda Civic, led police on a merry chase and when captured offered up this scrotum-challenged lie: "This is MY car! She carjacked ME!"
Police officer: "Oh. Soooo ... that gun we see there beside you?"
Shithead: "What? She left her gun here? Holy shit get that thing away from me!"
Police officer: *sighing to partner* "Pass me the handcuffs. The extra-small ones. This little fucker has wrists the size of a daisy stem."

EDITOR'S NOTE: So the next time you have a booze-soaked crying jag on a lonely Friday night I should call you and remind you about this?
MY NOTE: Well you can try, but I won't answer. I have caller ID.