Friday, 24 May 2013

BOLDLY GOING WHERE NO BOOZE HAS GONE BEFORE

I'VE DRUNK LIQUOR OUT 
OF MANY RECEPTACLES
Including glasses, bottles, Dixie cups,
measuring cups, funnels, buckets, 
hollowed out logs . . . but never, ever
out of a feminine hygiene product. 


A horrifying new trend is ravaging the privates of our teenagers. It's called "vodka tamponing," and it is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Teens soak tampons in vodka and then they . . . well, you know . . . in an attempt to get drunk. 

And because teen boys don't want to miss out on the fun just because God didn't give them a vagina, they've developed their own version. What I love about that is that it's called "butt chugging." 

Seriously. What is wrong with kids these days? When I was a teenager, when we wanted to get drunk we just unscrewed the lid and chugged it straight from the bottle like any normal hillbilly would. Is this just too boring for today's spoiled little brats?

And the blame doesn't stop at the kids, either. Clearly, the nation's science teachers aren't doing their job properly or these kids would know that VAGINAS DON'T HAVE TASTEBUDS! 

Honestly, that's just basic biology. 
Well now I've got myself so worked up about this senseless waste of vodka I'm going to have to go and soak my underpants in tequila so I can calm down.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I hadn't heard of this troubling trend. Awful. Just awful. Although if it were called "vintage Shiraz tamponing," I have to say I might be tempted.
Not grossed out enough yet? Why here's a link to an article and VIDEO of this phenomenon, at: Eeeew!