Thursday, 16 May 2013

I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY NAOMI CAMPELL GOT DUMPED

NAOMI CAMPBELL WALKS THE ... OOPS
The brazen lookalike hussy who scooped
Naomi's billionaire beau right out from 
under her crotch struts the catwalk. (Enjoy 
your strut while you can, girlfriend, cuz 
Naomi is so gonna break both your legs.)
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And from our "Mind-Numbing Mysteries of the Universe" files, we have Naomi 'Bam Bam' Campbell's billionaire geezer boyfriend dumping her for a younger model. Literally.

Why it seems like just months ago a kinder, gentler Naomi was tweeting ganja-infused homilies about how good it is to be humble and throwing Vladimir Doronin, her Russian tycoon beau, a lavish birthday party in India in a thinly veiled bid to get him to marry her.

And of course I, like you and everyone else, totally thought Naomi was a changed woman. Because terminal bullies with gunpowder tempers can be tamed (just ask Rihanna, whose bid to tame Chris Brown has been going extremely well).

And now suddenly we are hearing that the creepy model-schtupper is "taking a break" from Bam Bam and cavorting with another hot leggy black supermodel, Jazzma Kendrick. U.K's Daily Mail guilelessly gushes that Jazzma is a "dead ringer" for Bam Bam. 

And she is. 
Except that she is 23 and Bam Bam is 42, and it is almost unheard of in the world of billionaire horndogs to dump a woman in her 40s for a woman in her 20s. 

Dead Ringer, meanwhile, is foolishly tweeting up a storm of photos of her nubile young body sprawled all over Doronin's yacht.

Well you know what this means. Dead Ringer is going to get the ever-loving shit kicked out of her by Bam Bam.  

Editor's note: Does it make me a bad person that I am looking forward to that battle of the bitches with every fibre of my being? It does? Excellent.