Thursday, 2 May 2013


JEN: Whatcha lookin' at, babe?
 JUSTIN: Nothing.  

JEN: But you're looking away from me. 
Why are you looking away from me? 
JUSTIN: No, I just ...

JEN: I want to get married. Right now!
JUSTIN: Is it just me or did someone just 
suck all of the air out of this room? 

Well well well. What have we here? Jennifer Aniston's nuptials have been put on hold. Quelle surprise. 

The official word is that it's because of Brangelina, who are planning their wedding for around the same date as Jen's wedding. Because Brangelina is not content to have ruined Jen's life once. They have to kill it and re-kill it at every opportunity to nourish their cold,  flesh-eating souls, and opportunities don't come much better than the wedding Jen thought was never gonna happen.

And now it looks like Jen was right.

An "insider" tells US Weekly that Jen tried getting married before the Brangelina ceremony, but her fiance, Justin Theroux, "got weirded out by all the rushing."  Now the whole thing is "completely on hold."
Whoa. Anyone else hear the sound of cold feet, running away from a desperate bride-to-be as fast as cold feet possibly can? (It's an oddly repulsive sound, not unlike a wet, gasping fish flopping desperately against the floor of a fishing boat.)

I hate to say I told you so ... no, sorry. That's a lie. I actually love to say I told you so. Especially when the person I'm saying it about is Kick Me I'm Jennifer Aniston. So, in keeping with today's theme, I have to say: I totally knew this was going to happen.