Saturday, 18 May 2013

KELLY ROWLAND HAD NO IDEA BEYONCE WAS PREGNANT

BUSTED! This video proves that not only does Kelly Rowland not brush her hair on her days off, but also she has not been reading her Internet. Otherwise she would have been in on this planet-shattering news.

I am titling this TMZ video "I Am Only Willing to Talk If You Ask Me About ME." There is no particular value to this video of singer Kelly Rowland, former member of Destiny's Child, other than that I find it comforting because it confirms so many of my arbitrarily formed convictions, including, in no particular order: 
  • That Kelly Rowland is a bit of a bitch
  • That Kelly Rowland is secretly jealous of Beyonce
  • That Beyonce's Illuminati people have sworn everyone in her circle to secrecy about the pregnancy the Internet made happen

Note how Kelly is all smiles until she realizes the reporter doesn't give a shat about her, he just wants to talk about Beyonce. Although secretly I feel bad for her, because I'm sure this is how all of my friends feel when reporters swarm them and ask them about me. (Don't hate the player, my friends. Hate the game.)