|AND HERE'S LANCE WORKING UP A WHOLE LOTTA BUTT SWEAT |
I was on a conference call today with a guy from San Francisco and the first words out of his mouth were, "So how about that crack-smoking mayor of yours!" Geez Louise. Is this what it's going to be like every time I tell people I'm from Toronto?
Anyway, I needed something to take my mind off the scandal about which Torontonians simply cannot stop talking, and since I don't smoke crack (I'm not judging, I just don't need any more expensive hobbies), my options were limited to vodka and gossip.
And lo and behold, the very first website I clicked on had this explosive item about one Lance Armstrong. Whom, as I have said before, I fucking despised even before the doping scandal.
So anyway, comedienne April Macie was on Howard Stern and she told him about the time she walked in on Lance receiving an unspeakable sex act from a woman. Even more unspeakable than the one you're thinking.
This act is so disgusting I cannot even bear to repeat it, but I will say this: If it's true (and I'm sure it's true), that guy is even more of a douchebag than I or Charlie Sheen ever suspected. That guy needs to get him a dog, because dogs LOVE doing the kind of sick shit Lance asks random women whose name he doesn't even know to do to him. A beagle and Lance Armstrong? Whoa. That relationship would NEVER end.
Editor's note: Coming hot on the heels of yesterday's disturbing George Michael post, this post takes Whorrified in whole new lurid direction. I'm not sure I approve.
My note: Yeah well I just told Lance Armstrong you want in on the next taint round. Byeeeee.
Here's a link to the nastiness that is Lance Armstrong's creepy hobby. Warning: View on an empty stomach. With your eyes closed.