Wednesday, 8 May 2013

THE MEANING OF LIFE ACCORDING TO KENDRICK LAMAR

ULTRA-HOT RAPPER KENDRICK LAMAR, stuffed to the gills on Fruity Pebbles, scans the crowd suspiciously for groupies. He's good but he's a little weird, I'm afraid. 
Photo/Merlijn Hoek

Sometimes it's better not to know too much about the celebrities you think you love. If you agree with that statement, you probably shouldn't be reading this blog at all. In fact this blog probably shouldn't even exist, so I'm going to carry on now as if I hadn't even written that first sentence. *memo to self: tequila before writing, NOT a good idea*

So anyway, let's talk about super-hot new rapper Kendrick Lamar. I don't know diddly about him other than the fact that he's shatting out some of the best songs of the year, and every one of them has the word "bitches" in the title. That would be what's known as a clue.

Lamar told the fabulous Page Six that when he tells people what his tour rider includes ... Fruity Pebbles, baked chicken, Hennessy and some Polo socks ... they think he's "crazy." And so do I. Because, dude! Aside from the Henny, what the hell is the point of being famous if you're going to ask for the exact same shite food you had to buy when you was broke? 

Even more shameful is his explanation of why he's not into groupies.
"I’m probably the most scared person when it comes to that because ... of something going crazy," he said. “I’ve seen a situation where it got totally out of hand.”
Ah. So it's not about the cooties, the skeeziness, the misogyny or the complete and utter moral bankruptcy of it all, then. Fine. I guess that explains the song titles. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: I hear he's working on one right now, tentatively titled "I Don't Play With No Groupie B*tches Cuz They Crazy, Yo."