Friday, 10 May 2013


Avril Lavigne, Hello Canada, Gwyneth Paltrow, Whorrified,
AVRIL LAVIGNE is Canada's Most Beautiful Star  
and it's probably because she's so good with the eyeliner...

Hello, Hello Canada. I see you have released your list of the 50 Most Beautiful Canadians. I also see that you've given top honours to the future Mrs. Chad Kroeger, which is fine, I mean I think my stand on Avril's legendary beauty is pretty well established and God knows it's better than People pronouncing Saint Gwyneth THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD. But I do have a bone to pick with your judging panel. Aside from the fact that, WTF, did they go out of their way to find the most unattractive photo ever taken of Ryan Gosling, I notice that once again, I have somehow inexplicably been passed over on this list. I am sending a thoroughly airbrushed and photoshopped pic of myself (taken about 14 years ago) for your reconsideration. Plus a large amount of cash. It's not a bribe, just ... a gift. Because you're pretty. And smart.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Tut, tut, I'm sure you were No. 51 on the list. Click here for Hello Canada's odd assortment of hits and misses.