Friday, 28 June 2013

KAT VON D WON'T TOLERATE AN UGLY WHORING FIANCE

WHORING TORONTO DJ DEADMAU5 AND KAT VON D, horsing around in happier times. Note how his whoring hands are playfully gripping her neck in a gesture Kat no doubt longs to reciprocate right now. Foreshadowing, I believe it's called. 
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It's date night! And you know what that means: I am duty-bound, as your personal cautionary tale, to ruin that for you. Because if I don't you'll go getting all googly-eyed over that inferior prospect of yours and the next thing you know you'll be the next Kat Von D and Deadmau5 ... and let me tell you how that story ended. 

You may remember that Kat and Toronto DJ Deadmau5 were making everybody puke with their nauseating love gushing not even five months ago. He designed her ugly engagement ring! She wanted to get married under water! They both have Hep C (well I made that last one up but it's going to be true some day).

Well it turns out their "true love" was pure crap, because the celebratory engagement tatt had barely dried on Kat's ass before the trouble started. According to Kat, who is blubbering the details on Twitter like a 13-year-old, Deadmau5 is an out-of-control horndog who repeatedly cheated on her and got somebody pregnant. And Kat knows a bit about out-of-control horndogs, because she was engaged to human-shaped dung sculpture Jesse James.


Meanwhile, Deadmau5 is doing a similarly Grade 9 job of "defending" himself by admitting that he screwed around on his beloved but only because they were split up for like two minutes so what was he supposed to do with all that bubbling studmuffinliness? You can't just SHUT THAT DOWN, people! Love needs to be expressed or it will cause its frustrated owner's tattooed testicles to burst. Do you want to be the one to have to clean up that mess? Exactly.

Perhaps the most tawdry thing about this affair is the fact that these two are duking it out in public. On Facebook, on Twitter, on Instagram you name it, these two are using it to stage the most tasteless tell-all imaginable.
Which makes me wonder why they're splitting up at all, because clearly they're perfect for each other.
That's all for now, kids. Enjoy your Friday date night! Oh wait, one more thing. This. Have a look at this. Heheheheh.