Monday, 3 June 2013

MICHAEL DOUGLAS HAS THE MACHO KIND OF CANCER

 I SHOULD REALLY HAVE USED A PHOTO 
of Michael Douglas when he was younger. 
Because the thought of this crepey lizard 
performing that particular sex act on anyone 
is enough to make you blow chunks. 
Photo/David Shankbone

Michael Douglas has come out swinging against those who would pity an old codger for contracting throat cancer, defiantly braying that he didn't get it from sissy stuff like drinkin' and smokin', he got it from having too much oral sex. 

Got it? He's a stud muffin! He can't help himself! He wouldn't change it for the world because, by God, it was worth it! Any wimp can get throat cancer from smoking $8-a-pack Marlboros, but it takes a LADIES MAN to catch throat clap!

Because I used to love the man's movies, I am going to give him a few days grace to collect his wits and rethink what he said. Otherwise, Michael, you do realize that this pretty much insane statement is what you're going to be remembered for, right?

EDITOR'S NOTE: Gulp.*clutches throat* Can you catch ... I mean, is that even possible?
MY NOTE: For you? No. One must at least be able to locate the mons pubis on a map, you idiot. 




Update: Michael Douglas's exes want his head on a platter now because everyone is wondering which one of them gave him cooties, so his rep is backpedalling so hard his thighs are on fire. He says Douglas was misquoted. The Guardian hotly denies this and says it can prove it right here.