Friday, 26 July 2013


DJ KHALED PROPOSED to Nicki Minaj via video. Presumably because she refuses to meet with him in person.
The Internets are freaking out at the news that fat hairy sweaty rapper DJ Khaled has proposed to crazy butt-implant lady Nicki Minaj. Via video. Even though she already has a boyfriend. Even though there has never been any indication whatsoever that she is even remotely interested in him unless you count the occasional polite, "Hello," delivered from a safe distance, because ladies, we've all had one of those leering creepy guys in our lives who stare at us like we're a plate of delicious food and who don't take "Fuck off, stop staring at me!" as a clue. 

And while some may find his gesture romantic, I find it appalling. Because for one, dude is practically handing over his testicles on a very small platter. “I want to be honest with you," he says in the video, in which he proffers a ring. "I love you. I like you. I want you to be mine. The only reason I’m not telling you this face to face is because I know that you’re busy ..."

She's too BUSY for you to ask her marry you face to face? Good thundering Christ, boy. And then there's this other thing, also known as a clincher: Man proposes to woman via world wide web, deafening silence ensues. 
Yeah, dude. She's crazy 'bout you.

Editor's Note: Of course, if Nicki accepts this proposal you are going to have to eat crow.
My note: Well I'd rather eat crow than sleep with DJ Khaled, so I still win.