Monday, 1 July 2013


Jessica Simpson, Ace Knute, Kim Kardashian, Whorrified,
Jessica Simpson wanted to 
make sure her baby started off 
200 yards behind Kim Kardashian's 
baby, and since tying their 
plump little hands behind them 
is frowned upon ... 

Not that we needed  more evidence that Jessica Simpson is dumb as a rock, I mean really, even rocks are writing me badly spelled letters demanding that I stop comparing them to Tits-for-Brains Simpson, but the dumb-ass has gone and named her newborn Ace Knute. 

First of all, that sounds like a cartoon-porn name. Second of all, whuh? Knute? Is the K silent? If so, it sure as fuck didn't take after its mother. (Editor's note: Tits-for-Brains would have you know it's pronounced 'Ka-nute.' But you can call him Kayak for short.)  

Look, I never thought I'd say this, but if it's attention you're after and baby names you're looking for, you need look no further than the fine example set by Kim Kardashian. Aaaand, marvelous; my hands just burst into flames right here on the keyboard. Oh well, I'll just mouth-type the rest of this: Ace Knute is not a talking-point name, you moron. Because what does it mean? How can one even begin to mock it? Mocking is the key ingredient here, girl. North West: now THERE'S a name we can mock the shit out of! No really, I give up. I just looked in her ear and it's true: she really does have tits for brains. *dives into vat of hot tar*

EDITOR'S NOTE: Should I mention that Tits also has a bikini-clad baby girl named Maxwell?
MY NOTE: My note. Yes, you should. After first ensuring I am safely locked in the vomitorium.