Sunday, 7 July 2013

NIGELLA LAWSON'S NICE HUSBAND FILES FOR DIVORCE

NIGELLA LAWSON'S 
THROAT-GRABBING HUSBAND 
has filed for divorce because Nigella didn't tell everybody
that he's a nice guy. It's a pity the Brit cops let him off 
on this one, because I'm sure the prison nancies 
would love to have a "nice guy" on the range.
U.K.'s Sunday People
So let me get this straight: celebrity chef Nigella Lawson's decrepit husband is filing for divorce because she didn't come to his defence after he choked her and humiliated her in public? Could this 70-year-old old coot be any more delusional? Listen, Nigella, I don't know the dynamics of your relationship nor am I, of all people, in a position to judge you, but good frigging lord. The man couldn't be more of a turd if his face were an anus. Which it kind of is. 

So I hope you are cracking open a bottle of Moet that you charged to his credit card and thanking your goddam lucky stars that this old buzzard wants out. Because in this case, Tammy Wynette would be spelling divorce "F.R.E.E.D.O.M." There is no hope of reconciliation with someone who puts his hands around your throat and then has the narcissistic gall to issue this statement:
"I am disappointed that Nigella was advised to make no public comment to explain that I abhor violence of any kind against women, and have never abused her physically in any way." (!!!) (Editor's note: Except for that one time that I was caught on camera with my liver-spotted mitts around her lovely neck. And all the other times in private that no one knows about because what are the odds this sort of behaviour is a one-off?)
EDITOR'S NOTE: And how, exactly, does one come to the defence of a husband who chokes his wife anyway?
MY NOTE: With a machete.