|THE FACE OF AN ANGEL — if angels were white, shoe-chewing pigs.|
Anyway, Pig Face has been maturing nicely and is pretty much bacon now. And although she is well-behaved in almost every way, she has developed, at age 11 months, an insatiable craving for shoes. In the past week, the bitch (and now I know why people call them that) has chewed through a pair of heels and a pair of Nikes worth a combined half grand at least, and I mean literally chewed through. I admit I might have hoped for a brief moment that the leather would stick in her craw and kill her dead, because then I wouldn't have to explain the kick marks to the animal coroner. What? They don't have animal coroners? Oh you shouldn't have told me that.
So now I've learned to hide all shoes, slippers, purses, tanning addicts, old people's butts and anything that remotely resembles leather, lest Pig Face decides it's food. This will of course work like a charm until she decides that what she really feels like chewing on this week is carpets. Or furniture. Next time you ask yourself, "Why does she call that poor dog a pig?" you can answer yourself "Because that's her only outlet and it's either that or murder with her bare hands."
EDITOR'S NOTE: And also, have you ever seen a pig?