Sunday, 7 July 2013

TMZ'S CULTURAL SENSITIVITY MATCHED ONLY BY ITS WIT

BRAMPTON'S ANTHONY BENNETT 
is reportedly very good at throwing some sort of 
ball thingy at some sort of net thingy. It's all very 
vague and fuzzy to us because we're Canadian.
Wiki/Jeremy Rincon
Dear TMZ: Wow. I had not realized that you are in cahoots with Brampton's shat-tastic Mayor Susan Fennell in terms of not having a fucking clue as to what Canadian basketball fans are all about. 
Either that or your rapier wit went sailing right over our bumpkin heads.

Because your highlarious attempt at humour ... in which you posted a pic of NBA draft pick Anthony Bennett  getting the key to his hometown of Brampton with the message: “For our Canadian readers: basketball is a game in which two teams vie to shoot a ball through their opponent’s hoop” and said Canadians will cheer for Bennett “as soon as they figure out what the NBA actually is," was the closest thing to genius I have seen since Amanda Bynes put her wig on backwards and went to court to say she's not crazy. 

Oh well, we here in the Great White North are very proud of our Anthony Bennett, regardless of your ham-fisted, Brampton copy editor-esque attempts at humour at our expense. And for the record? We DO know what basketball is. And also hockey. We've got this feller called Wayne Gretzy, he's a'ight. Oh, and rap. We're pretty good at that too. Have you heard of Drake? Started from the bottom now he's here (and kicking your ass)? You have? Excellent. The Weeknd? Carly Rae Jepsen? Justin Bieber? Any of this ringing a bell? Good, good. 

Say, next time you feel like cracking a joke about Canadians, what say you just pause for a moment and remind yourselves that YOU ARE THE ONES WHO MADE THE KARDASHIANS A THING! A nineteen-headed, carcinogenic, brain-eating thing! I'd rant some more but I've gotta go shave down the igloo and feed the caribou, eh? Looking forward to your next Canadian post, in which you poke fun at the fact that all our men look like Mr. Potato Head.