Friday, 19 July 2013

YOU CAN'T IMAGINE THE INDIGNITIES I SUFFERED TODAY

A CityNews CAMERA MAN & REPORTER examine the storm footage captured by one of the young men in the neighbourhood. (Please observe the beer cans on the hydro box. This is my neighbourhood's instinctive reaction to ANY crisis. It's pretty much why I live here.)

Well the good times just keep on coming. I sure am glad this global warming thing isn't really happening, or I'd be starting to worry. Because not two weeks ago we had the Biblical flood, and then today we had the Biblical tornado that felled the hydro poles in front of our houses and, more importantly, poleaxed the air conditioning. Not that we needed it in the midst of this Biblical heat wave ...

I missed the eye of the storm because I was having dinner with a friend at Beertown in Cambridge. But I made up for it by taking a Biblical tumble in the middle of the restaurant (BEFORE I even got into the hooch, thank you for your hasty but incorrect assumption), leading to me smacking my knee on the concrete floor. It was pretty impressive. I didn't think I could still do the splits at my age. 

More impressive than my impromptu stripper pose was the waitress's reaction to it. 
"What did you do?" she asked accusingly.
"What did I do?" I huffed. "I slipped on your greasy floor!"
"I don't know what you mean," she said.
"Really? It's not that hard ... I don't go around doing the splits in public for kicks (anymore)," I retorted.

I asked to speak to someone who might give more of a shit, and the manager came by. He gave a tiny bit more of a shit but frankly, "thanks for telling me about that" isn't top-notch managerial handling of a potential lawsuit. If I were him, I'd at least have said "Dinner's on us."
But what do I know about how to run a business? I'm just a paying customer. Or rather, in the case of Beertown, ex-customer.
But back to the storm. 

When I got home, the entire block was closed off to traffic. Three hydro poles were down, one of them tilting as precariously as Tanning Mom mid-bender, and neighbours were gathered and pooling candles and chattering excitedly.
To Brampton Hydro's credit, they had power up and running in about four hours, far better than the "not till morning, I'm afraid" we got earlier.
And I've just realized I have paid Brampton two compliments in one week. Now that, my friends, is Biblical.