Sunday, 18 August 2013



Clothes: Slattern chic
Makeup: Does sweat count?
Hair: Uncombed, apparently soaking in fish oil
Baby: Fobbed off on the paid help
Baby's face: Covered, because hello, someone has to cough up a brillion dollars before we get to see that
Husband: As unkempt as his mate, but also almost smiling so that's probably a decoy and not Kanye at all

Let's forget for a moment that image of Kate Middleton, holding her newborn a mere two days after giving birth, looking clean and serene while paps blind her with flashbulbs, and instead focus on what's going on in Prunecess Kim's world. I mean, get a load of this tableau. What is this, sarcasm?

Kim Kardashian knows the paparazzi have been just waiting for this moment "Hear ye, hear ye, her Royal Heinie has made her first public appearance since calving" because that pic is worth more money than you'll ever see in a lifetime. (And if you asked me to sum up, in one sentence, what the fuck is wrong with the world, that last sentence would be my answer.) She also knows Kanye is desperately lobbying for a Vogue cover debut for baby North West.

So one would think Kim would make sure she comes out swinging. Instead, she comes out looking like she's posing for the cover shot of Haggard Trailer Park Nobodies. I mean, really. And Kanye wonders why Wintour would rather put  this biggest-Vogue-flop-ever on the cover than have to deal with anything that came out of Kim Kardashian's vagina.