|LISA ROBIN KELLY AT THE ZENITH OF HER FAME on That '70s Show|
Briefly mildly famous for her role as the dimwitted slutty blond on That '70s Show before she got kicked off for being a dimwitted slutty blond — method acting; it'll get you every time — Lisa went on to dabble in drugs and marriage before discovering her true calling: liquor. Alas, that love was a toxic one (as all the thrilling ones are) and eventually it killed her in her sleep. At age 43. While in rehab. I mean, really, life. Can't you just once not shit on a person when they're down? Couldn't you have allowed her one last bender instead of letting her die sober?
Can't you just once stop trying to send me cosmic messages that booze is bad for you so I can enjoy my fourth goddam margarita IN PEACE?
Life is an asshole, is what I'm trying to say here, people.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Ouch! What the hell! I've just received a flaming dart in my ass with a note attached to it. *adjusts nerdy reading goggles* Let's see: Oh! It's from Satan! He says you're perfect for him and he has a toasty spot waiting for you, you bilious mean-spirited bitch, you.
His words. Not mine.