Friday, 9 August 2013

STUPIDEST SALESCLERK ALIVE INSULTS H.R.H. OPRAH

Oprah, OWN network, racist
HEY, SWITZERLAND! YOU CAN 
TAKE THAT HANDBAG AND STICK IT
 right on my $77 million-a-year-earning thumb!
Photo/Crestock
This just in: Swiss people don't own televisions. And they're racist. And also, quite possibly, just incredibly stupid. Because get what a Zurich sales assistant did when one Oprah Winfrey (a.k.a. Jesus) visited  her store. She refused to fetch a handbag Oprah wanted to look at, telling her it was "too expensive" for her. (Oprah: Well if it's too expensive for me, it's too expensive for God!) 

I assume that, like me, you are probably trying to reinstate your tonsils to their rightful place right now. Because what kind of Swiss rock do you have to be living under to not recognize Oprah Winfrey? 

Oprah (a.k.a. Her Most Reverend Eminence) promptly reported the disgrace to Swiss authorities and of course every news outlet on the planet gobbled it up like it was cake. And because this incident on its own wasn't enough to cement Switzerland's reputation as the most racist place on the planet (aside from Paula Deen's kitchen), the owner of the shop then "apologized" by throwing the offending clerk under the bus, noting "I have to admit she is Italian." 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Maybe the salesclerk didn't recognize her because she was wearing that ridiculous three-pound wig.
MY NOTE: And maybe you're even stupider than the stupidest Swiss sales assistant alive.
EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm sensing an insult in there somewhere ...