Thursday, 19 September 2013


CHARLIZE THERON IS A WITCH who can turn virulently heterosexual women into lesbians. Because why else am I looking at a beautiful celebrity and not instantly defaulting to hiss mode?
I'm going to let you in on a little secret: I'm kind of a bitch. I don't know what it is about people but most of them bug the bejeebers out of me. And apparently I have a lot of bejeebers because every single day, I manage to find something completely inconsequential to get riled up about. Charlie Sheen's goddesses, for example. Amanda Bynes' wig. Rihanna's butt tweets. It never ends, really.

And to be honest, sometimes that worries me. Sometimes I think: "But who will ever love you? You're a vicious, snarkastic witch with razors for fingernails and bile where your heart should be." (Editor's Note: " And you're a terrible housekeeper!" Not that that's at all relevant, in fact I'm going to put EDITOR at the top of my list of people to verbally eviscerate tomorrow.)

Therefore you can imagine my surprise when I very occasionally stumble across a celebrity I like. Or at least don't dislike. Or at least can look at without feeling that burning, twitching, delicious urge to mock and berate. 

Charlize Theron falls into this rarefied category, a fact I'm sure she'll be thrilled to know. She's one of a mere handful of celebrities who are stunningly beautiful, ridiculously talented and completely likable. It's incredibly rare. Aside from Scott Disick, I can't think of anyone who even comes close. So please enjoy this delightful bit of fluff, below, which captures the very essence of her adorability: Charlize Theron portraying jealousy on Sesame Street. 
How could ANYONE mock this woman, ever? (even if she did cave and acquire that trendiest of Hollywood accessories: the adopted black child).

EDITOR'S NOTE: Hey, you just . . . *sighs* You know what? For you, that wasn't bad. In fact I'm not even going to remind everyone of the time you said this about Charlize.