Wednesday, 4 September 2013

DON'T YOU DARE CALL KATE UPTON LAZY OR ELSE CHEESE

ANNIE LEIBOVITZ REALLY OUTDID HERSELF
with this cutting-edge portrait of Kate Upton's 
never-before-seen knockers.
She's a goddam pioneer. 


Kate Upton, I'm beginning to suspect, is a bit of a dumb-ass. But nobody cares about that because boobs. Very large boobs. Large enough to bewitch Vanity Fair, which once used to at least pretend to be an intelligent read, into making her their 100th anniversary cover girl. A cunning plan that paid off large because next thing you know, there's Kate Upton's cleavage flailing all over the place and BINGO, best-seller! Sex sells, is the message Vanity Fair got out of that one. 

To her credit, Kate tried to give them their money's worth with an in-depth interview that proves she's not just another dumb blonde. Because America doesn't need that right now. It may think it needs that right now, but it doesn't. What it needs are women with minds like steel traps. Women like IMF director Christine Lagarde, but stupider and with bigger boobs. Women like Kate Upton.
Take Kate's thoughts on being shot down in the business:
“I’m not going to name names, but one agency told me, ‘You’re too American, and everybody knows American women are lazy.’ I was so offended! I’ve never been so offended! I was like, ‘You know that you’re in America, right?’ And it wasn’t ‘American models’ — it was ‘American women are lazy,’ period! I feel like a lot of women would disagree with that. A lot.”  

Oh snap! I LOVE that she told those idiots they're in America. I bet they didn't even know that!
I love it so much I'm not even confused by the fact that that whole monologue is a complete non-sequitur and that the conversation probably never even happened. Or that it did happen but D-cups-for-brains got it all wrong. It probably went more like this:
"Hey, Kate, would you like a coffee while you're waiting?
"How dare you say that? I like ice cream! Barack Obama is a nice man and once I played marbles with my brother and he let me win. Period. I feel like a lot of puppies would  agree with that!"
"Uh, sure. Can you take your top off now please?"
*Giggles* "Okay."