Monday, 23 September 2013

EVERYONE WHO TOUCHES RIHANNA WINDS UP ARRESTED


rihanna, slow loris, thailand, whorrified, bikini selfies,
RIHANNA POSTED THIS SELFIE captioned "Look who was talkin dirty to me!" In fact, the creature was not talkin' dirty to her, it was trying to tell her to put it down before somebody gets hanged.  
Instagram
Rihanna got two people busted after she posed for a pic with a smelly creature that wasn’t Chris Brown. (In which case I would have thoroughly approved of the arrest.) Riri posted this Twitter pic of herself with a cute little monkey while she was at a beach in Thailand on the weekend. (Whereas I spent my weekend housecleaning and losing my glasses at the dentist. This is the difference incessantly tweeting butt-shots can make in your life, people. It's an important lesson.)

And because she has more followers than the Pope himself (again, butt-shots), police immediately swooped down on a 20-year-old man and a 16-year-old boy who probably made just enough off this photo to buy lunch and arrested them for pimping out the monkey. Because as it turns out, it's not a monkey, it's a "slow loris," which is a protected species. Rihanna reportedly missed this part of the escapade because she left to attend a sex show. At which I'm sure a "slow loris" could really have come in handy.