You're going to have to bear with me for a moment because this one makes about as much sense as that stupid name Jessica Simpson gave her baby. (Ace Knute. How the hell could you have forgotten that already? It's unforgettable!) Joan Rivers is threatening to sue Lindsay Lohan's exemplary father, Michael, because he said mean things about her. But only after she said mean things about Lindsay. Which is inexcusable and how could anyone do such a thing because we all know Lindsay is a saint. A goddam saint. There's nobody saintlier in Hollywood right now. Except maybe Charlie Sheen.
Michael Lohan apparently told Radar Online that Joan has no business smack-talking anyone because she is addicted to "botox and cutting (ie. plastic surgery)."
He also noted that Joan has more embalming fluid coursing through her veins "than mortuaries have on inventory." (Whoa! Good one, Michael! You want a job here at Whorrified?)
Incredibly, Joan took offence to this. She told TMZ: "it's a little late to become a concerned parent. As for 'cutting,' it's totally not true and if he ever says this again I will sue."
So let me get this straight: Joan Rivers is offended by mean-spirited remarks? Okay then. And tomorrow, I fully expect to read that Kris Jenner is offended by fame-whoring and Miley Cyrus is offended by twerking.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and carefully examine this photograph of Joan Rivers and see if I can tell where Joan ends and plastic begins.