Wednesday, 18 September 2013


Somebody feed Tyra's anemic 
Cara Delevigne knockoff some brains 
before she kills us and eats us.  
Udo Spreitzenbarth

Aside from  ruining the word "fierce" forever, Tyra Banks is kind of all right. She's a little full of herself, but no more than Beyonce and certainly not as much as Jesus Christ himself, a.k.a. Oprah Winfrey. 

So I was willing to give her an E for effort when I heard that she was trying to inject some new blood into her career by stealing the blood of others. 
Let me explain.

Somehow, Tyra got the rather brilliant idea stun-gunned into her average brain that she should pose as 15 famous supermodels. So far, so good. I'd click on that link. I'll admit it.
And in fact, I did click on that link. Which was a mistake, because Jesus Christ. Now I'm going to have to sleep with my bedroom light on for a month because I keep seeing dead LaToya coming at me in the shadows.

If you will humour me by clicking on the link (heheheh, suckers!!!) I'm sure you will agree that Tyra's take on Claudia Schiffer, Brooke Shields, Linda Evangelista and others is something straight out of a meth nightmare. Her Cindy Crawford will freeze your eyeballs. Her Cara Delevigne will turn your testicles to stone. And her Kate Moss? Her Kate Moss is nothing short of terrifying.
In fact, I'm sorry, but the only one she nailed, IMHO, is Grace Jones. Because she manages to capture the very essence of crazy that is Grace "Cajones" Jones. Of course. The rest of them? Dear God, Tyra. Please never do this again. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: You mustn't have clicked all the way through, because omigod. That last one? Breathtaking!
MY NOTE: That last one is Tyra posing as Tyra, you great twaddling heap of moronic man-baby, you.