|WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE, you
may well ask. And if you click the link immediately below, your
eyeballs will be seared by the full image (which must have been taken by
a paparazzo disguised as a tree, otherwise he'd be dead).|
CLICK HERE FOR FULL EFFECT
And here we have Alec Baldwin showing off his exemplary parenting skills by trying to kill the family dog while his child bride isn't looking. This pic was taken in NYC last week, when everybody's favourite paparazzi-smasher stepped out with his new family, 29-year-old Hilaria and baby Carmen. You may remember that his previous family with Kim Basinger ended in a vicious custody battle and Alec famously calling his own child an "ungrateful little pig" during a five-alarm meltdown. This outing contained no such drama, consisting mainly of Hilaria scoping out escape routes while pretending to be happily married, while Alec, 55, stood around looking like he had a big bowl of Slingblade for breakfast. And also trying to kill the family dog. (One must have some outlet for one's violent tendencies, after all.) "Grip, twist and snap," he burbled over and over again. "Uh-huh."
EDITOR'S NOTE: Jesus. Are you TRYING to get yourself killed?
MY NOTE: Don't be silly. If he comes snooping around looking for me, we'll just use that escape drill we practised.
EDITOR'S NOTE: You mean the one where I yell "Hey Alec, mind if I take your picture, you fat bastard?" while you run out the back door?
MY NOTE: That's the one.