Wednesday, 2 October 2013

BRITNEY LEARNED, LIKE, FOUR NEW SENTENCES BITCH

Britney Spears, Work Bitch
Vevo/YouTube
Those of you who wrote Britney off as a meth-addicted, head-shaving hillbilly are going to cack in your cereal this morning when you see her new video, below. Because Britney proves you are totally wrong, bitch. It features Britbilly doing what she does best …virtually nothing, while almost completely naked and lipsyncing. I have the feeling it’s supposed to be shocking, but thanks to Miley’s pioneering efforts it’s about as shocking as watching a soccer mom perform the Dance of the Seven Quaaludes. Britney’s voice still resonates with all the luxurious complexity of a foghorn, and the lyrics could have been written by a five-year-old slut. And let’s face it, pretty much anybody can look good if you airbrush the shat out of them and put a whip in their hand. But none of that will matter because porn. 
I predict this song will be a monster hit, which means Britbilly will soon be rolling in enough money to bury herself in a mountain of tater salad. Or maybe she'll surprise me and go for the Breaking Bad meds instead. *spoons against Walter White's corpse, whimpers: "I am the danger!"*