Monday, 7 October 2013

I'LL BET MY VIRGINITY THAT AVRIL LAVIGNE IS PREGNANT

Avril Lavigne

Rumours are swirling that Avril Lavigne is pregnant after she was spotted with a "rounded belly" while en route to taping Jimmy Kimmel Live. (Which is weird, because I always thought ferrets grew their young in a pouch.)

Of course, for this to be true, Chad Kroeger would have had to ... they would both have had to ... naked Avril ... tumescent Chad ... sharp, pointy teeth ... I just ... I can't. 
My eyes. It burns. 
It burns!  

I'm terribly sorry. I can't do this. Just call me when the little made-in-Canada critter is crowning and I'll deal with it as best I can.



AT LEFT: Here's Avril in your typical sk8tr maternity garb. I especially love the mesh camo sarong, the dried-blood undereye treatment and death-by-anthrax foundation. Fer chrissake out loud. You just know they're gonna name that kid Pugsley. 

EDITOR'S NOTE: Well it's better than "North West."