Sunday, 6 October 2013

IRELAND BALDWIN GOT BANGS, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS

ONLY IN HOLLYWOOD does the simple act of cutting one's hair merit an ALL-CAPS NEWS ALERT on gossip websites. In other news, the U.S. government has shut down and Egypt is bombing its people again.
INSTAGRAM
And here's Ireland Baldwin, daughter of barking-mad bully Alec Baldwin, rocking new bangs. It's a matter of no import whatsoever, teenage girls everywhere are giving themselves bangs every goddam day and no one cares. And yet Ireland's new look is being splashed all over websites everywhere because it's a friggin miracle she even made it to age 18 considering her father does this sort of thing on a regular basis. 

I don't know if you've noticed but Baldwin the younger is making a concerted effort to insert herself into the famewhore-starved conscience of America because America does not have enough women of questionable (if not completely nonexistent) talent who think they deserve to be a celebrity. To her credit, she has not resorted to twerking or sex tapes (yet), although this random video of her having her way with a tub of yogurt is about as close as one can get to a sex tape without actually removing any clothing. Get used to this face, people. You're going to be seeing a LOT more of it, whether you want to or not.

And may I just say that I personally find it disgusting that her family would resort to such cheap tactics. That they would allow, even encourage, her to keep shoving her face at us until we decide, "Hey, we like it. Let's put her in a movie or something." Disgraceful. Who would do that to their own child? I am affronted.
Oh, by the way — here's an Instagram of my daughter getting out of the shower. 



EDITOR'S NOTE: Wow. She is stunning. It's too bad she doesn't have bangs.