Today in "Most Absurd Sentences Ever," I find myself actually having to write this: Kris Jenner is divorcing Bruce Jenner because she's "tired of being held down." (Internet: "Yay! I finally made something happen!")
That's her official excuse, proving yet again the woman is all balls and no soul and also that her evil powers have expanded to include the ability to rewrite the laws of physics. Because Bruce Jenner could no more hold that creature down than a cuckold could hold down a cougar.
And speaking of cougars, Hollywood Life reports that Kris is hot to start dating younger men. (Sweet! I hear Lamar Odom is available.) I fully expect that by this time next month, I'm going to have to write yet another absurd sentence: Kris Jenner pregnant at 57!
EDITOR'S NOTE: Nice try. But I'm still not going to watch that insufferable show.