Thursday, 15 October 2015


And here we have Madonna, at a ... SWEET MOTHER of GOD!
If you've ever been tempted to get something 'done' to your face, please take a moment to review these photos of Madonna, 55, attending the opening of her new gym in Berlin. Honestly, the woman looks positively terrifying. She's like something straight out of a Bulgarian sado-masochism porn movie. Er ... or what I imagine someone in a Bulgarian sado-masochism porn movie would look like, had I ever watched such a vile and disgusting genre. And what the hell is the deal with those bloated cheeks? We all know Madonna's as lean and sinewy as a stewing hen. (Even her butt cheeks, typically a repository for fat cells in normal humans, look like they could crack a pecan just by clenching.)  Please. Those cheeks are implants or my name is not Eviscerella, Queen of the Sharp, Sharp Nails. Ladies and Geraldo here's the deal: plastic surgery doesn't make you look younger, it just makes you look plastic. You need to stop it.

EDITOR'S NOTE I'm sorry to interrupt, Eviscerella, but you're going to be late for your Botox appointment.
MY NOTE SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP LYING, YOU  STUPID LIAR! Nobody believes you! *makes pincer with nails, aims with deadly precision*
EDITOR'S NOTE Haha, you missed. Remember? I don't have testicles!